You ask why I couldn’t love you—
How I never let you in
Because my heart was impenetrable.
You ask why I let you go—
Why I denied your right to love me
Because I was terrified by Love.
I watched you leave me in silence
Because I couldn’t ask you to stay.
Your love gave me strength
But my loving you made me weak.
You loved me wholly and freely, I know.
But I loved you as one loves a dream.
I lived in it knowing it was fleeting
And awoke feeling as empty as I did complete.
It was never that I couldn’t love you.
I did love you.
I have always loved you.
My sin was in loving too much—
In holding onto a dream so tightly
That it faded into a perfect memory.
I love you as I miss you—deeply.
4/12/01
Monday, February 13, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
the human condition
We move about our lives in a sea of fellow wanderers. We float through the day in nameless crowds. At times, we hide away in our own thoughts or take refuge in our daydreams. If we stopped for a moment to think outside of ourselves, we might catch a glimpse of the other world happening around us. We might sense that the person sitting next to us at lunch is nervous because he is undergoing a life-changing experience, that the person we’re passing on the street is smiling because joy is abounding in his soul, or that the person waiting in line behind us is overburdened by a grief that is settling in his heart. Perhaps we can never truly know these things, but we have an immense capacity for sympathy, empathy, compassion and humanity. Kindness knows no currency, but its value is immeasurable. There is no shame in feeling or connecting. There is only embracing the human condition and crossing the boundary of indifference.
June 3, 2011
June 3, 2011
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Untitled
How does one measure the tide of love?
Days too long, seconds too brief.
When we are entangled as one,
The essence of time is stolen.
We float between this world and the next
Ever forward, ever changing.
When I can be the one you dream of,
I remember that time yields to love, to us.
May 2009
Days too long, seconds too brief.
When we are entangled as one,
The essence of time is stolen.
We float between this world and the next
Ever forward, ever changing.
When I can be the one you dream of,
I remember that time yields to love, to us.
May 2009
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
To Love and Be Loved
I sometimes wonder about love. According to Plato, every person is in search of his missing half - the physical and spiritual half that complements and completes each of us. In popular culture, we know this half as "the one," often attributed to the workings of destiny and the product of fate. But it's very hard to believe that in our lifetime, with the many people we have come across and those we have yet to meet, there is only one person who was meant for each and every one of us. I believe that we each have numerous opportunities to love and be loved in the romantic context. I like to think that love is governed by free will and we are all able to impart our own magic. It is true that sometimes we can't control how and when we fall in love because the heart can speak louder than logic. I think the real beauty and magnificence of love lies within each of us - in our power to choose and make the experience of love our own.
2001
2001
Nostalgia
The evening air is so mild and sweet
And yet it passes not as a breeze,
But as a strong current
That carries melancholic memories.
Heavy with introspection and
Roaming with countless smiles,
This wind sweeps by
But it lingers like spilled perfume
And ebbs like a sea of tears,
The zephyr wishes to continue on it way
But I trap it in my room
And pull it around me like a blanket.
It tastes bittersweet and refreshing.
It rises with a cooling warmth.
Its aroma does not release me.
The air is invigorating and at the same time,
It chokes me with gentle hands.
May 1999
And yet it passes not as a breeze,
But as a strong current
That carries melancholic memories.
Heavy with introspection and
Roaming with countless smiles,
This wind sweeps by
But it lingers like spilled perfume
And ebbs like a sea of tears,
The zephyr wishes to continue on it way
But I trap it in my room
And pull it around me like a blanket.
It tastes bittersweet and refreshing.
It rises with a cooling warmth.
Its aroma does not release me.
The air is invigorating and at the same time,
It chokes me with gentle hands.
May 1999
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Renewal
I think the last time I made a New Year's resolution was when I was ten years old. I swore that I would stop biting my nails so I could have pretty, feminine hands (i.e. non-tomboy hands). I don't remember how that panned out. This past year, I didn't make a resolution because I think my wish is always the same. I hope to be a more giving friend, a more forgiving person and an unconditionally supportive sister/daughter/partner. I want to nurture my relationships, feed my spirit and frolic in the park with my dogs. I don't want to ever feel indifferent about my life, my goals or my relationships. And, there is always room for self-improvement.
This past year has been one of revelation, liberation and renewal. I discovered and re-discovered people and things when I least expected it (that's the best). I find myself a little older and wiser and sublimely content with just being. Meaningful conversation is the best past-time. Spontaneity is a good motto to follow. Though we don't search for it, there is some form of regret no matter how small or how much we try to deny having even one. But importantly, we learn from it, let it go, and move forward. We try our best to make our own destiny, but just maybe, some things are written in the stars and only time will tell.
This past year has been one of revelation, liberation and renewal. I discovered and re-discovered people and things when I least expected it (that's the best). I find myself a little older and wiser and sublimely content with just being. Meaningful conversation is the best past-time. Spontaneity is a good motto to follow. Though we don't search for it, there is some form of regret no matter how small or how much we try to deny having even one. But importantly, we learn from it, let it go, and move forward. We try our best to make our own destiny, but just maybe, some things are written in the stars and only time will tell.
Monday, September 12, 2011
On the tenth anniversary of 9/11
(In Remembrance, November 2001)
Eight weeks after the tragic events of September 11th, I am still haunted by the memories of fleeing for my life. I still count my blessings that I was one of the more fortunate souls who found their way to safety on that fateful morning when New York City was changed forever. Undoubtedly, that morning touched us all as we say a prayer for our friends, loved ones, strangers, neighbors and local heroes - each of whom has left a special impression in our hearts.
It was a day marked by horrific violence and amazing triumph. It was a crime against humanity, personal freedom and the American spirit, but in the darkest hour, we answered back with our own humanity and resolve. It was and remains to be the kind of human spirit that has given us the strength to move forward. In our hopes for a small but gradual return to normalcy, we have redefined and rediscovered what it is to be an American. It is not found in solely asserting our military prowess abroad, nor is it revealed in simply displaying our stars and stripes.
We have to ask ourselves the questions we are all wondering - when will this heightened sense of patriotism dim? When will we begin to forget the fallen in our pursuit of the guilty? When will we realize that the greatest honor we can bring to our country is ensuring that our loved ones have not died in vain? When we will spread American pride for what it should be - a hallmark for humanity?
It has to begin today and in each of us. We must start with honoring the fallen - by striving to be the best people we can be and in appreciating those who are still with us and continue to touch our lives in countless ways. We have to adopt a new awareness, a renewed solidarity, a faith in humanity and a voice for peace. As much as memories may haunt us within, memories also remind us of our convictions and the work that must be done.
Eight weeks after the tragic events of September 11th, I am still haunted by the memories of fleeing for my life. I still count my blessings that I was one of the more fortunate souls who found their way to safety on that fateful morning when New York City was changed forever. Undoubtedly, that morning touched us all as we say a prayer for our friends, loved ones, strangers, neighbors and local heroes - each of whom has left a special impression in our hearts.
It was a day marked by horrific violence and amazing triumph. It was a crime against humanity, personal freedom and the American spirit, but in the darkest hour, we answered back with our own humanity and resolve. It was and remains to be the kind of human spirit that has given us the strength to move forward. In our hopes for a small but gradual return to normalcy, we have redefined and rediscovered what it is to be an American. It is not found in solely asserting our military prowess abroad, nor is it revealed in simply displaying our stars and stripes.
We have to ask ourselves the questions we are all wondering - when will this heightened sense of patriotism dim? When will we begin to forget the fallen in our pursuit of the guilty? When will we realize that the greatest honor we can bring to our country is ensuring that our loved ones have not died in vain? When we will spread American pride for what it should be - a hallmark for humanity?
It has to begin today and in each of us. We must start with honoring the fallen - by striving to be the best people we can be and in appreciating those who are still with us and continue to touch our lives in countless ways. We have to adopt a new awareness, a renewed solidarity, a faith in humanity and a voice for peace. As much as memories may haunt us within, memories also remind us of our convictions and the work that must be done.
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