The wheels in my mind are always turning, and I realized as I was showering (and thinking of course) that the majority of my thoughts are replays of memories. My memory is always firing off images, faces, names, places...it's stuck on shuffle. More often than not, I experience total recall, which can be a blessing and a curse. I rarely forget names or faces. Some strangers become familiars. Smells, no matter how faint or subtle, are rapidly logged in my brain. Feelings are etched in my memory. Moments - both insignificant and special, comprise my mental photo album. I remember where I left things years after I've tucked them away and I rarely forget conversations (maybe to the point of being obnoxious).
I remember running and discovering that I (at age 8) was faster than I thought. I remember scraping my knees and being scolded for running too fast, too aimlessly. I remember the distinct smell of baby powder on my baby brother's skin. I remember his fierce temper and arguing with him like we were mortal enemies. I remember the smell of English roses in our backyard. I remember the smell of incense at my grandmother's funeral. I remember how special I felt when he remembered - and surprised me with - my favorite birthday cake. I remember our goodbye at the airport and sensing it would be our last. I remember snorkeling for the first time and being amazed by everything I saw. I remember swimming too far out and doubling back because I really couldn't swim. I remember discovering Love and fighting for it countless times. I remember letting it go because it was time and I was not the same person anymore.
Sometimes, I think I remember too much for my own good. I seem to be incapable of editing. But first and foremost, I remember who I am and who I want to be, despite temptations, mis-steps and distractions. Memories guide me, ground me and inform me. After all, forgetting would be tragic, if not difficult.
