I see a pattern developing. V is now the fifth friend to tell me that I'm a man when it comes to showing emotion and being emotional. Apparently, I'm an anomaly. Where most women may react to stressful situations with free flowing emotion, I remain calm and collected (in most cases). Short of being called a tin man or a robot (both of which I'm not), I can't think of another comparison for my "man" behavior. In truth, I don't deny this claim, but I can't really help the way I'm wired. And I don't think I should have to change what's natural to me. I've made it this far in life and I think I'm a fairly stable person. At the same time, my friends also know me as a sentimental person. I know this too. I knew it when I was in grade school.

Then again, what man would write about feelings and sentiments? So I spare someone a cry or awkward outburst. Maybe it's an act of kindness. Maybe I'm strangely unique. What's important to me is that I'm in touch with my feelings and deeply passionate about people and things that matter most to me. For better or worse, I'm just me.

Bday

Handsome told me to hold on to my twenties. Hold on to them for dear life? Perhaps. But then again, I've never quite felt my real age nor dwelled on the number. I've always known myself to be an old soul and a kid at heart. So instead of counting time that has gone by, I try to measure myself in terms of self-improvement and happiness.

Years ago, I was in a card shop browsing their selection of keepsakes. A few vases caught my eye, partly because I'm obsessed with any and all containers and partly because one was imprinted with the words "be happy." I thought it was a simple and inspiring mantra. It was also a gentle reminder to myself about what is important in life -- to find happiness in everything I pursue.

The questions I often ask myself - am I the best person I can be, am I unequivocally kind to those I know and love, am I creating and recognizing opportunities - begin and end with happiness. I'm happy when I find time to reflect and indulge in introspection. I'm happy to meet new people and experience new things and places. I'm happiest when I learn and can share learnings with others.

I know I still have a lot to learn and experience, but luckily, my timeline is my own. I'm a work in progress and I accept that. And with that knowledge, I intend to chase happiness with all of the conviction and passion that life experience brings.

Two

An old but inspiring email chain between two strangers (back in the days when social networking sites were just taking shape)....

----- Original Message:

inevitably, i've placed myself at somewhat of an impasse...you see, i wish to tell you something genuine about all of what your page says to, about and for you and how that has in some very real way spoken to me...i suppose it was because much of it has been spoken before from the lips of my own thoughts...for that i will smile the smile of certainty ...the inward grin one makes when one has stumbled upon a great secret of the universe...i've come back to a place where i reaffirm that the few who do exist, do so with a vibrancy and dynamism befitting of the word living....as strawberry to passion, so too are you and awareness, thanks for the smile...

-PS

‡

I think we all have a need to project and express ourselves on a blank canvas in order to catch a glimpse of ourselves that we would otherwise miss. I suppose I filled my page with those words and pictures with the knowledge that I would retain a certain and yet uncertain anonymity. I often think I know myself, but sometimes, I don't really form an opinion until I see myself through another's eyes. Thank you for that glimpse of self and blind faith.

smiling back,
K

One

August 1. V and I had an interesting conversation last night. Perhaps it was our tapas and sangria induced state, or simply an outpouring of thoughts we had kept so close to the vest, but it was good food for thought.

People move on, move away and grow apart. At the end of the day, it's those around you that matter most. Whether there in body or spirit, they understand you and love you unconditionally for who you are, and not what you can do for them. Maybe it's a quality few or one. It's a conscious decision and a conscious effort in who you let in. And if you're fortunate enough to choose wisely, they accept the invitation and stay indefinitely.