"You're luggage."

It all started in January 2005 when L, S and I embarked on a sibling vacation to Barcelona. L and I had traveled together many times, but this was our first time traveling abroad with our younger brother. With fondness, I remember our tapas dinners, flowing sangria and S complaining about his “cankles” from walking all around the city. We survived a hotel room together and a small rivalry over who would take the lead on navigation. It was a spectacular trip for the sites we saw, the food we ate and the experience we shared.

In January 2008, we repeated our adventure together in Greece, where we tackled Athens, Santorini and my big little brother driving us around in a compact car. We made a great little team and we were all eager to walk and explore (and with no fear of “cankles”). After our big fat Greek adventure, we each continued on in our separate travels, with L and S making a small backpacking appearance in the UK and Belgium. Unbeknownst to L and I at the time, these trips had sparked in my brother a great appreciation for travel – and wanderlust.

Fast-forwarding three years to the present, we reunited again on different shores and under wildly different circumstances. S had eventually given in to the lure of backpacking and left NY for a year-long jaunt around the world, but then inadvertently landed a job in Sydney. As a result, for two weeks this month, we all found ourselves together again in Australia. We converged from different corners of the world as L made the marathon flight from NYC and I swooped down from Shanghai. This time, it wasn’t purely a vacation or a trip. It was quality time together and a long-overdue reunion. The running jokes and sibling quirks were mostly unchanged, but the togetherness prevailed above all.

For me, it wasn’t until my last afternoon in Sydney, walking with my brother around Darling Harbour, that I felt just how much I would miss my brother and sister. I realized how geographically scattered we were, and that a reunion like this one would not come easily or often. And yet, I felt so grateful for the trip, for the time together and for them. I hope another three years won’t pass before we are reunited, but I have a feeling we’ll find each other again in a far-away place with a map in hand and countless memories to smile upon.

(P.S. For those wondering, the quote is from the movie “Eraser.” Only the Arnold can deliver that line to a crocodile with a straight face.)

No ordinary love

There is the love that two people do their growing up with, but do not grow forward together. There is the love that was once your pillar, but then teaches you to stand tall on your own. There is the love that one seeks with good intention, but oftentimes lands in the wrong place. There is the love that is born of desire, but decidedly leaves when the passion ends. There is the love that is revisited by two people, but is only a misguided second chance. And then, there is the love that is left behind by circumstance, and only time and timing shall intervene.

Among all the wonderful – and wonderfully flawed – loves, I still say there is no perfect love. There is only great love...the kind of love that nurtures your spirit and thrills your soul. The love that unburdens your heart and unlocks it for all seasons of giving. It is the love that inspires you to want to be a better person but doesn’t ask for more than you are. It is the love that makes you feel you are everything to one person, and yet, without your beloved, everything feels meaningless. It is the love that whispers sweet prayers in your heart and speaks to you across distant moons. It is the love that binds you to another in this precious life and everyday thereafter.

Love

I had a recent heart-to-heart with Kat about the many faces of Love. What do you do when unfortunate circumstances are greater than your ability to love? Your loved one walks out of your life and you are asked to walk away from Love. Through no fault of your own, though love is still very much present and your heart still craves love's return, you tell yourself that Love has failed you.

I tried my best to offer words of comfort and a sense of rationale - that reason does not always dictate Love's actions. In a perfect world, Love would be everything good, pure and beautiful and nothing would threaten it or taint it. Love would only know to grow stronger and deeper in two people and not lower its eyes to tomorrow. But, such is the uncertainty of Love and Life as we know it.

I believe that Love finds us for a reason - that its intent is honest and altruistic. It asks for nothing in return but for you to let love in so that you can come to know it and perhaps love it too. I have learned that there are no guarantees, only hard work and an open heart. There is always the possibility that Love will leave you for a time, but when it finds you again, whether it be the beginning, middle or end of your greater journey, it finds you with an even greater sense of purpose.

(Originally posted Monday, February 2, 2004)

It's strange how certain lines get blurred - even the ones we think are black and white can often take on different shades of gray. The more we try to decipher things, the more abstract they get. I'm a firm believer that the answers we crave the most are found within us, but we work on a system of selectivity. We block out certain things we don't want to face or admit to because it would be easier to live in ignorance - in the reality we cling to. It would be easier to submit to what we feel in the moment, whether it's a moment of pain, pleasure or self-doubt. We seemingly prolong the inevitable because of complacency or indifference. We bide our time with fillers, distractions, hesitation and resistance. We stay in the dark because ultimately, the search is a part of the journey. But we constantly shift. We drift between fleeting and enduring clarity. We slowly peel away the layers until there is no denying what is there. We move past the grays....And thus begins the great reveal.

(Originally posted Sunday, October 1, 2006)

On Inspiration

When I was a little girl, just old enough to read, write and express my little-person thoughts, I loved capturing everything I could on paper. To record my life as it happened. To describe moments in time, feelings close to my heart, and general ideas about the bigger world out there. I wrote when I felt inspired, and for a curious little girl, there was never a shortage of inspiration.

Looking back, I (and some others) might even describe myself as peculiar. My sister caught me once in the middle of a conversation. I was talking to running water. She thought it was very strange behavior, and since I didn't know how to explain it so she would think otherwise, I let her believe I was a little strange, or peculiar. I suppose some children grow up talking to imaginary friends. I grew up talking to elements of nature.

For many years, one of my favorite confidantes was an oak tree that grew in our backyard. I would tell the oak tree about my fears and sadness, and magically, they would be carried away in the wind. Almost every night, for as long as I can remember, I sat by my window and said good night to my friend. I didn't think I was acting strange. I was just fascinated by nature and the cosmos. I was inspired. I still am and always will be.

Over the years, the conversations have grown fewer and quieter. We moved and I lost my spot by the window, including my beloved oak tree. I adopted a new backyard and a new window to the world. I found new inspirations in the classroom and in literature - in the poetic words of others. I discovered that ethereal wonders are limitless and can span many worlds. I got lost in my dreams at night and reveled in my waking dreams.

I write because it makes me happy. It is my safe place and one of my creative outlets. In some ways, it is also my connection to the bigger world. Writing becomes a conversation born from daily inspiration, so regardless of where I am in life, I feel compelled to look up to the sky, say a prayer to the moon and listen for a voice greater than my own.

Transitions

Some days I like walking down busy streets just to absorb some of the energy from the crowd. I pass many bustling restaurants and when I peer in, I'm reminded that I don't really miss the after-work crowds or that familiar habit of dining out. My life is now contently quiet. I've stepped away from that lifestyle, and I believe it has sparked lasting change in my life. Whereas I was once consumed by consumerism, I now live by the motto "less is more." I find satisfaction in clearing away clutter in my home and generally, in my life. I donate what I don't use or need, and I re-use as much as possible. When it comes to spending, I live conservatively. I adapt.

Sometimes it takes a drastic change to realize what you really value in life. It takes a shift in lifestyle to appreciate what you have instead of focusing on what you can attain next. And yet, I do try to stay in touch. When the mood strikes, I window-shop from time to time, but it's more about something to do, rather than something to want. Right now, I have this freedom. I can detach. And when the time comes to revisit the working world, I will choose when and how I will be a consumer. I will invest wisely and savor all that I've earned - and saved.

On Faith

A pastor once said people tend to live in a two dimensional world. That is, people often rely on what they can 1) see and 2) touch. He said this approach provides security and commonality for accepting the people and things around us. He said people often put their trust in what is tangible and what they're conditioned to know. He then spoke about a third dimension - living a life of faith.

In Elizabeth Gilbert's "Eat, Pray, Love," when asked what kind of God she believes in, Gilbert responds, "I believe in a magnificent God." I believe what propels religious seekers and spiritual seekers in their respective pursuits, is a form of faith. And what guides people through the everyday and the extraordinary is faith. I think living a life of faith is not about one's choice of religion, a function of worship or what others believe. It's individualistic, pure and part of one's inner conscience.

As a connection between the heart, psyche and soul, faith can manifest as a positive energy and a guiding light. It empowers people to let go of simple truths and surrender to the unknown - to embrace possibilities. Faith can be a thread into everything we do, and a path to unlocking individual potential. And sometimes, in our darkest hour, faith can help us realize incredible miracles.