C'est la vie

On this particular Sunday, I found myself in Brooklyn Heights apartment-hunting with L. She had her eye on one sunny junior alcove studio and wanted a second opinion. We made our rounds in the 1960's era building, checking various for-sale units. I even whipped out my little-sister-with-bigger-presence questions on the friendly, semi-knowledgeable agents. I felt good about going along on the field trip even though I'm more of a Queens girl than a Brooklyn chick. We made a lot of progress and the next round of open houses wasn't until after 2pm, so we decided to grab some brunch.

At Lantern, we nabbed prime seats by the window because I wanted to enjoy the sunlight and see the passersby going about their Sunday. L and I talked about the apartments and how she loved this neighborhood. I told her I liked that the building is pet friendly because as Monty's godmother, she might need to take him in one day in the near future, or rather, I might need to entrust him in her care. She laughed, while I began to frown. I couldn't stop my mind from wandering to heavy places and as I stared down at my eggs florentine, I began to cry. She asked if I wanted a piece of her french toast, and as I looked up at her (sniffling and blotting my tears), she cracked a smile and told me that it will be ok.

Falling back into little sister mode, I told L that I am facing so much uncertainty. And most of all, I am afraid my news - and me above all - will disappoint our parents. In their eyes, I am the one who always does what I want, says what I want and goes where I want - perhaps to their dismay, but always to my own beat. Sometimes, I think they see me as the irresponsible child because L is the practical daughter and S is the ambitious son. I'm just somewhere lost in the middle...a perennial drifter who did everything right growing up, but is still searching for her niche in life. For the first time in a long time, I felt disappointed in myself.

As I turned to the passersby on the sidewalk and blotted my tears, L said something completely unexpected...something I will always remember. She told me she wasn't worried about where I'll land because I've always been slightly ahead of the game. She told me I have always been the dreamer and the free-spirited one in the family and those can't be taken away. That they don't go away quietly, and I should be proud for following my own course in life. She jokingly said the family loves me despite my ways because that's what families do. She told me I will figure it out because that's what I do best, and as long as I continue to do what makes me happy, there is no disappointment in the end. Only. Dreams. Realized.