The Course of Love

You ask why I couldn’t love you—
How I never let you in
Because my heart was impenetrable.
You ask why I let you go—
Why I denied your right to love me
Because I was terrified by Love.
I watched you leave me in silence
Because I couldn’t ask you to stay.
Your love gave me strength
But my loving you made me weak.
You loved me wholly and freely, I know.
But I loved you as one loves a dream.
I lived in it knowing it was fleeting
And awoke feeling as empty as I did complete.
It was never that I couldn’t love you.
I did love you.
I have always loved you.
My sin was in loving too much—
In holding onto a dream so tightly
That it faded into a perfect memory.
I love you as I miss you—deeply.

4/12/01