On Sadness

It's a frown disguised as a contented smile
And a normalcy hiding wild irrationality.
It's the mind's daily lamentations
Revealed through the eyes as a singular sorrow.
It's standing at the brink of indifference
Only to be rescued by unwavering despair.
It's a weakness with a firm grip on one's being
And a weight that sits with you like an old friend.
It's mourning something that was but is no longer
And a secret longing in the hollows of one's soul.
It's a black dust that settles into the ruby heart
And a hurt that fills the body to the brim.
It's unspoken devastation revealing itself in pieces
And a fragile memory that haunts us as a waking dream.
It's knowing and not knowing truth
And wanting not to want what is past.
It's falling, falling down
And falling apart.

P.S.

We don't see things as they are; we see things as we are.
-Anais Nin

I think this quote is very fitting for the feel of the new year. It holds a lot of raw honesty and meaning that I think we tend to overlook. It's often easy to say that we have impartial and untainted views of the people and things around us, but how often do we truly understand and capture what is there and not just what we want to see? We all hold unique opinions about everything under the sun; these thoughts are born from our natural inclinations, personalities, and what we have chosen to incorporate from social influences around us. We can only attempt to get closer to understanding what is really before us by considering all viewpoints and even thinking outside of ourselves. This is how I would like to approach the new year - with a larger sense of my environment, a deeper understanding of people and a greater appreciation for everything that I value in life. With a new year comes re-evaluation of self and surroundings and hopefully, peace of mind.

From January 2003. Some things don't change.

Rewind

I woke up just in time to see the sun begin to set over the East River. I guess one could say I slept in. I blame last night and my own vices. It was 2am and I could have called it a night but I figured I was floating between 2007 and 2008, so time didn't really mean anything at that point, i.e. I should keep going. Time would stand still, at least for one night. Yes, it was quite a drunken mess out there and I ended the night with two bruised wrists, but it was time I wouldn't have again. No regrets, and importantly, no hangover. With the new year upon us, it's an opportunity to reset and re-engage -- to look forward to the days ahead of me and not count the days behind me. It's a new benchmark with which to measure experiences, successes and discoveries. And ideally, it's 365 opportunities to create colorful, defining moments that will stay with us for years to come.

Notes to self: work hard and play nice. don't neglect the important things. every so often, take the long way. follow your heart. go to bed earlier. cook more. worry less. cultivate meaningful friendships. see the glass half full. indulge once in a while. remain open to opportunities. be mindful of toxic friends. laugh as often as possible. exchange smiles with strangers. think happy thoughts. stay faithful to mini-skirts. clean out closets. visit Britton. be health smart. choose battles wisely. trust your instincts. always always be true to yourself. write when inspired. appreciate solace. take better care of self. just breathe. in the end, all will be well...again. repeat.

Happy 2008.